Kung Fu Panda Review, Part 3

But enough about the dang Turtle. There is another thing I didn’t like about ‘Kung Fu Panda’.

The other thing I didn’t like about ‘Kung Fu Panda’ is the way the Fat-Freakin’ Panda becomes Kung Fu Panda. He just fell into it. Literally.

In the movie, the Fat-Freakin’ Panda is walking along, and he literally falls in front of the already-mentioned ‘Wise Turtle’. The Turtle says, ‘Hey, this clumsy guy right here, this guy, this guy that can’t stand up... He’s the Perfect Warrior. Clumsy Guy is the Perfect Warrior. The guy who is not the Perfect Warrior is that Tiger that has been training for 20 years. The Tiger that has been training really hard and showing dedication? That Tiger is not the Perfect Warrior. Instead, we are going to go with the out-of-shape Panda that just walking into the dojo and fell down. We are going to go with the out-of-shape Panda for the Perfect Warrior position.’

Three things about this situation:
1 - It sounds like ‘Wise Turtle’ may be on the take from the the family of the Fat-Freakin’ Panda. Where is this movie taking place? 1940’s Chicago? Is the Perfect Warrior position a judgeship? ‘For a mere 5 grand, your son can be the Perfect Warrior’.

2 - Suppose I am trying to raise a kid, and I show him this movie. Now, we are all adults here. We have all experienced the ups and downs off life. We all know that sometimes, things don’t work out. That the race isn’t always to the swift, and that sometimes, no matter how hard a person works at some thing, the brass ring may slip from your grasp. That is a truth of life.

And that is a truth that adults should to hide from children for as long as possible. I’m not saying lie to the kid, because lying is wrong and people shouldn’t do it.

I’m just saying, there are different versions of the truth, and sometimes sometimes one version of the truth is better then another version.

For example: Suppose my son stinks at baseball. Just stinks out loud. But as a Dad, I want my son to get better. Also, I may not want my son to be home all the time. I mean, c’mon, Dad needs some alone time. I love the kid, but I need five minutes of peace and quiet!! Can I just get five minutes??

But I digress. Whatever the reason I want my sone to play baseball, even though he is not a good athlete, telling my son only part of the truth is key.

Here is the scenario as it might play out:
My son goes to his first little league game. And he plays terrible. My son just stinks out loud.

Now, if I was a 100% truthful person, after my son says, ‘Dad, I’m bad at this game!’, I would say, ‘Son, you are bad at this game. It’s genetic. I’m bad at this game, all your Uncles are bad at this game, your GrandDa was bad at this game, your great GrandDa was bad at this game. In fact, millions of years ago, when the creature that crawled out of the oooze and that would later evolve into the branch of the human race that would be your family had it’s first primitive thoughts, the creature’s first thoughts were, ‘Wow... when there is such a thing as baseball, my ancestor’s will stink at it.’’

But I am not that honest of a person. I am not that honest because I care. I don’t want my son sitting home alone. A bad day on the baseball field is better then an good day home alone.

So I say to my son, ‘Hey, son, if you practice... you will get better.’

Which is true. If a person does practice, they will get better.
But if I was 100% honest, I would say, ‘Hey, son, if you practice... you will get better. You may not get better enough to look good on field, but you may be able to claw your way out of full-blown total-stinkness.’

The 100% honest approach isn’t really all that inspiring. So the son get the half-honest approach.

3 - ‘Something is special if you believe it’s special’.
This... This is the MAJOR problem I have with Kung Fu Panda. It’s not a line the should be said in a movie that a child is going to watch.

I’m not saying that this line shouldn’t be said because it isn’t true; on the contrary, the line is very true. Some things are special if a person believes that are special. Perhaps there is a certain corner in a certain city that is special to you, because it is the first place you kissed a girl. I’m just picking this address at random, put perhaps the corner of 46th & Queens Blvd. is a special corner to someone because it is the first place he kissed Mary Louise O’Hagen. To everyone else, it is just dirty corner on busy street.

But to someone, everytime he jogs past that corner, he says to himself, ‘Mary, you were special to ME’. And that non-special corner is special to that particular person.

But saying to a kid, ‘Something is special if you believe it’s special’ is bad advice.

Because what is going to happen is this tragedy:
The kid is going to be up at bat at little league ball (keep in mind the already mentioned fact that the kid stinks at ball).

The kid is going to be thinking to himself, ‘Alright, I got this in the bag. I’m going to hit a home run. I’m going to the hero of the team. I can’t miss. I’m special’.

Three pitches later - BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! - the kid is struck out, and he ain’t feeling so special.

Now I’m the person that is going to walk home with this kid. Kung Fu Panda isn’t going to be around on the long walk home.

On that long walk home the kid - my kid - is going to be real quiet.

Being the Da, I’m going to feel bad. My kid is quiet, usually kids aren’t quiet. Quiet must mean there is a problem. I don’t like problems.

So I say to my kid, ‘Heeeyyyyy... good game today, huh?’

And my kid, he don’t say nothing. My kid just stays quiet and looks at the sidewalk.

And I think to myself, ‘Please... please, God... let my kid be temporarily deaf’.

Because if my kid wasn’t temporarily deaf, that would mean that my kid can hear.

There is only one reason why my kid would still be quiet, if my kid could hear, and still not say anything.

And that reason is because the kid is still upset about the entire ‘striking out’ thing.

So, once again, I say to my kid, ‘Hey buddy.... how’s things?? Ya like the game? huh?? did ya?’

My kid is going to say, ‘Da... ‘

I’m going to start thinking to myself, ‘Please, please, please, son, starting talking about Transformers. Or XBox. Ninjas. Anything. Anything but the strike-out. Please.’

But my kid will continue, ‘Da... I struck out today.’ My son will look up at me with near-tears in his eyes.

At moment, I am going to have to lie to my son. I am going to have to lie because of that Panda.

I am going to have to say, ‘Son, don’t worry. Things didn’t go your way today, but if you practice hard, maybe next time.’

Then my son will say, ‘But Dad, I believed I was special.’

I will say to my son, ‘Son, you are special’. And that will really hurt because I was born in the the area where if someone was ‘special’, it wasn’t a good thing. (A person didn’t want to be described as ‘special’ when I was growing up).

'Something is special if you believe it's special' is not the best advice for kids.